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The Farmacist Farm Not Pharma Unisex T-Shirt

The Farmacist Farm Not Pharma Unisex T-Shirt

Color: Terracotta
Size
$34.95
$49.95 $34.95
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Shipping calculated at checkout.

🐔 Buy 2, save 10% automatically. Mix and match any shirts.
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🌱 The Farmacist. Farm Not Pharma.

The garden has its own pharmacy. Garlic for the colds, lavender for the nerves, tomatoes warm off the vine for whatever else ails you. The cure is mostly: eat something that came out of the ground this week, sit on the porch, get some sleep.

Grown, not made. Soil, not synthetic. No side effects. Just good food.

This shirt is for the homesteaders, gardeners, and country folks who've quietly figured out that most of what their body needs is already in the backyard. The garden's open. The farmacist is in. Bring an empty basket.

Premium garment-dyed Comfort Colors cotton — soft from day one, softer with every wash. Heritage botanical illustration printed in the USA. The kind of shirt that earns a knowing nod from anyone whose pantry is also their medicine cabinet.

Member since it got out of hand. 🐔

Product Details

  • 100% ring-spun cotton
  • Fabric weight: 6.1 oz/yd² (206.8 g/m²) — heavyweight, structured
  • Garment-dyed for that lived-in feel
  • Relaxed unisex fit, runs true to size
  • 7/8″ double-needle topstitched collar
  • Twill-taped neck and shoulders for durability
  • Double-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems
  • Blank product sourced from Honduras

Washing Instructions: How to Not Ruin Your New Favorite Shirt

  • Cold water only (the garden does just fine without heat too)
  • Turn inside out before washing (the illustrations deserve protection)
  • Use a gentle detergent — this garment-dyed cotton is easygoing, keep it that way
  • First wash may bleed a little, so separate it from anything precious
  • Tumble dry low or hang dry (hang drying = the way the garden grows)

Shipping & Returns

Orders ship within 5-7 business days. Made-to-order, so returns are accepted for defective or damaged items only — see our full refund policy for details.

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YEAH, WE'RE A CHICKEN BRAND. WITH STANDARDS. SEE WHAT WE MEAN BELOW.

What you're actually getting

Soft, durable cotton tees that get better with every wash. Not another scratchy polyester blend that dies before molting season.

Questions about our society?

Where are you located?

The Chicken Math Society is a US-based company. We print our shirts right here in the USA, like every chicken-loving small business should.

Will I get a tracking number for my order?

Yes — once your order ships, you'll get a tracking email so you can follow your package on its way to the coop. Track it obsessively or forget about it completely. Both are valid.

What size would fit me best?

We know sizing can be tricky, especially in a unisex tee. Every product page has a size chart — and if you're still unsure, just email us at chickenmathsociety@gmail.com. Real humans, real answers.

What materials are your products made of?

Premium 100% ring-spun garment-dyed cotton (Comfort Colors®). Soft from day one, softer after every wash, built to outlast your next coop expansion.

Do you actually keep chickens?

Yes. Too many. We're aware.

What if I'm not a chicken keeper but I think this is funny?

Honorary membership granted upon checkout. We don't gatekeep.

Do you offer wholesale or bulk discounts?

For coop tours, chicken Facebook groups, or your fellow members — yes. Email us at chickenmathsociety@gmail.com.

Why is your free shipping threshold $85 instead of $50?

Because shipping isn't free for us either. $85 covers two tees and gets your gift-buying done in one shot.

What's "chicken math"?

The inexplicable phenomenon by which a backyard chicken keeper begins with three hens and ends the season with seventeen, two ducks, and a coop addition. We named the brand after it.

Why are your shirts more expensive than other chicken keeper shirts I see online?

Fair question. Here's the honest answer.
We print on heavyweight Comfort Colors cotton — the same blank used by premium country and outdoor brands. It's pre-shrunk, garment-dyed, breathable, and gets softer with every wash. It's not a shirt you wear once and toss in the back of the drawer.


Most $18-22 chicken-themed shirts you'll find on Amazon or Etsy are printed on lightweight blanks. Those shirts cost less because they ARE less. They fade. They peel. The neckline stretches out by Christmas.

We could match those prices. We'd just have to swap to thinner shirts and faster ink. We're not interested in that.

Our shirts are made to be worn at the coop at 5am, at the kitchen table at 7pm, and at your daughter's wedding eight years from now. That's the standard we hold ourselves to.

If the math doesn't work for you, no hard feelings. If it does, welcome to the Society.
🐓

Comfort for the slow-and-steady

Whether you're collecting eggs at sunrise or watching the flock at sunset, our tees are designed for chicken people who value quality, comfort, and a little dry humor. Join The Chicken Math Society and wear something that fits the life you've actually built.

Customer service that doesn't ghost

Got a question or need help? Real humans are here to make sure you have the best experience — like a trusted coop neighbor who actually picks up the phone.