{"product_id":"quietly-judging-you-since-you-pulled-up-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Quietly Judging You Since You Pulled Up Unisex T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e🪑 \u003cstrong\u003eI've Been Quietly Judging You Since You Pulled Up.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe porch sees everything. It saw how you took that turn into the driveway. It saw the state of your vehicle. It noted the time. It has formed several opinions and it is keeping every single one of them to itself — for now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe rocking chairs don't even need to be occupied to do their work. That's the thing about a country porch. It's been evaluating your life choices since before you put it in park, and it will continue to do so, gently, the entire time you're here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt is for the porch-sitters and the people-watchers — homesteaders, country folks, and anyone who's perfected the art of saying \"well, look who it is\" with nothing but a slow rock and a long sip of coffee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePremium garment-dyed Comfort Colors cotton — soft from day one, softer with every wash. Heritage illustration printed in the USA. The kind of shirt that earns a knowing look from someone who's done some quiet judging of their own.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMember since it got out of hand.\u003c\/em\u003e 🐔\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²) — heavyweight, structured\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed for that lived-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, runs true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e7\/8″ double-needle topstitched collar\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTwill-taped neck and shoulders for durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eDouble-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eBlank product sourced from Honduras\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWashing Instructions: How to Not Ruin Your New Favorite Shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eCold water only (the porch is judging your water temperature too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTurn inside out before washing (the graphic deserves protection)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eUse a gentle detergent — this garment-dyed cotton is easygoing, keep it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFirst wash may bleed a little, so separate it from anything precious\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTumble dry low or hang dry (hang drying = more time on the porch)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShipping \u0026amp; Returns\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFree shipping on orders over $85. Orders ship within 5-7 business days. Made-to-order, so returns are accepted for defective or damaged items only — see our full \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for details.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chicken Math Society","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":51167852724530,"sku":"8911199_15114","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":51167852757298,"sku":"8911199_15115","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":51167852790066,"sku":"8911199_15116","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":51167852822834,"sku":"8911199_15117","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":51167852855602,"sku":"8911199_15118","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":51167852888370,"sku":"8911199_16326","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite \/ S","offer_id":51167852921138,"sku":"8911199_21264","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite \/ M","offer_id":51167852953906,"sku":"8911199_21265","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite \/ L","offer_id":51167852986674,"sku":"8911199_21266","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite \/ XL","offer_id":51167853019442,"sku":"8911199_21267","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite \/ 2XL","offer_id":51167853052210,"sku":"8911199_21268","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite \/ 3XL","offer_id":51167853084978,"sku":"8911199_21269","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ S","offer_id":51167853117746,"sku":"8911199_21562","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ M","offer_id":51167853150514,"sku":"8911199_21563","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ L","offer_id":51167853183282,"sku":"8911199_21564","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ XL","offer_id":51167853216050,"sku":"8911199_21565","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ 2XL","offer_id":51167853248818,"sku":"8911199_21566","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ 3XL","offer_id":51167853281586,"sku":"8911199_21567","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ S","offer_id":51167853314354,"sku":"8911199_17693","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ M","offer_id":51167853347122,"sku":"8911199_17694","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ L","offer_id":51167853379890,"sku":"8911199_17695","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ XL","offer_id":51167853412658,"sku":"8911199_17696","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 2XL","offer_id":51167853445426,"sku":"8911199_17697","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 3XL","offer_id":51167853478194,"sku":"8911199_17698","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ S","offer_id":51167853510962,"sku":"8911199_21243","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ M","offer_id":51167853543730,"sku":"8911199_21244","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ L","offer_id":51167853576498,"sku":"8911199_21245","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ XL","offer_id":51167853609266,"sku":"8911199_21246","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ 2XL","offer_id":51167853642034,"sku":"8911199_21247","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ 3XL","offer_id":51167853674802,"sku":"8911199_21248","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0980\/4388\/7922\/files\/Black_7130673d-c7a3-4d45-95a5-3f40763a8265.png?v=1779141587","url":"https:\/\/chickenmathsociety.com\/products\/quietly-judging-you-since-you-pulled-up-unisex-t-shirt","provider":"Chicken Math Society","version":"1.0","type":"link"}