{"product_id":"professional-porch-sitter-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Professional Porch Sitter Unisex T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e🪑 \u003cstrong\u003eProfessional Porch Sitter. Est. When It Got Too Hot to Work.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe fence can wait. The garden can wait. The lawn — frankly, the lawn was always going to wait. There's a point in the afternoon when the heat does its job and reasonable people make a reasonable decision: today's chores have concluded.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe chair was already out there. The tea was already cold. The decision was, in some sense, pre-made by the weather.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt is for the professionals — the porch sitters, slow-summer specialists, and country folks who've mastered the high art of knowing when to quit. There's a time to work. There's also a time to sit down. The professional knows the difference.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePremium garment-dyed Comfort Colors cotton — soft from day one, softer with every wash. Heritage cartoon design printed in the USA. The kind of shirt that earns a knowing nod from anyone else who's already in their chair.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMember since it got out of hand.\u003c\/em\u003e 🐔\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²) — heavyweight, structured\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed for that lived-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, runs true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e7\/8″ double-needle topstitched collar\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTwill-taped neck and shoulders for durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eDouble-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eBlank product sourced from Honduras\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWashing Instructions: How to Not Ruin Your New Favorite Shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eCold water only (we don't add heat on purpose around here)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTurn inside out before washing (the graphic deserves protection)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eUse a gentle detergent — this garment-dyed cotton is easygoing, keep it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFirst wash may bleed a little, so separate it from anything precious\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTumble dry low or hang dry (hang drying = sitting still while it works)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShipping \u0026amp; Returns\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eOrders ship within 5-7 business days. Made-to-order, so returns are accepted for defective or damaged items only — see our full \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for details.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chicken Math Society","offers":[{"title":"Terracotta \/ S","offer_id":51249393500466,"sku":"2275851_17662","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ M","offer_id":51249393533234,"sku":"2275851_17663","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ L","offer_id":51249393566002,"sku":"2275851_17664","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ XL","offer_id":51249393598770,"sku":"2275851_17665","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249393631538,"sku":"2275851_17666","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249393664306,"sku":"2275851_17667","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ S","offer_id":51249393697074,"sku":"2275851_16541","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ M","offer_id":51249393729842,"sku":"2275851_16542","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ L","offer_id":51249393762610,"sku":"2275851_16543","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ XL","offer_id":51249393795378,"sku":"2275851_16544","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249393828146,"sku":"2275851_16545","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249393860914,"sku":"2275851_16546","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ S","offer_id":51249393893682,"sku":"2275851_15166","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ M","offer_id":51249393926450,"sku":"2275851_15167","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ L","offer_id":51249393959218,"sku":"2275851_15168","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ XL","offer_id":51249393991986,"sku":"2275851_15169","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249394024754,"sku":"2275851_15170","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249394057522,"sku":"2275851_16328","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":51249394090290,"sku":"2275851_17648","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ M","offer_id":51249394123058,"sku":"2275851_17649","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ L","offer_id":51249394155826,"sku":"2275851_17650","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ XL","offer_id":51249394188594,"sku":"2275851_17651","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249394221362,"sku":"2275851_17652","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249394254130,"sku":"2275851_17653","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ S","offer_id":51249394286898,"sku":"2275851_16523","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ M","offer_id":51249394319666,"sku":"2275851_16524","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ L","offer_id":51249394352434,"sku":"2275851_16525","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ XL","offer_id":51249394385202,"sku":"2275851_16526","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249394417970,"sku":"2275851_16527","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249394450738,"sku":"2275851_16528","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0980\/4388\/7922\/files\/Terracotta_20cbf1dd-1511-44be-aedc-8f7d214d2ee3.png?v=1780434773","url":"https:\/\/chickenmathsociety.com\/products\/professional-porch-sitter-unisex-t-shirt","provider":"Chicken Math Society","version":"1.0","type":"link"}