{"product_id":"professional-escape-artist-goat-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Professional Escape Artist Goat Unisex T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e🐐 \u003cstrong\u003eProfessional Escape Artist. The Fence Was A Suggestion.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTo the goat, fences are an interesting design challenge. A puzzle, really. Something to study, work out, dismantle, and then casually walk through like it was never there in the first place. He has nothing against the fence personally. He just doesn't take it seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou put in new boards. He notices. You add a top rail. He notices that too. You watch him for a full afternoon and he doesn't even glance at the fence. The minute you turn your back, he's in the garden again, eating something he shouldn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt is for the goat keepers — homesteaders, hobby farmers, and anyone who's officially accepted that the goat will always win. The fence was a suggestion. The goat has reviewed the suggestion. The goat has chosen otherwise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePremium garment-dyed Comfort Colors cotton — soft from day one, softer with every wash. Heritage illustration printed in the USA. The kind of shirt that earns a knowing laugh from anyone whose goat has also, repeatedly, made it clear who's in charge of perimeter security.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMember since it got out of hand.\u003c\/em\u003e 🐔\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²) — heavyweight, structured\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed for that lived-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, runs true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e7\/8″ double-needle topstitched collar\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTwill-taped neck and shoulders for durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eDouble-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eBlank product sourced from Honduras\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWashing Instructions: How to Not Ruin Your New Favorite Shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eCold water only (he's already escaped enough things today)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTurn inside out before washing (the graphic deserves protection)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eUse a gentle detergent — this garment-dyed cotton is easygoing, keep it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFirst wash may bleed a little, so separate it from anything precious\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTumble dry low or hang dry (hang drying = harder for the goat to grab)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShipping \u0026amp; Returns\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eOrders ship within 5-7 business days. Made-to-order, so returns are accepted for defective or damaged items only — see our full \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for details.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chicken Math Society","offers":[{"title":"Moss \/ S","offer_id":51249807819058,"sku":"3938733_17700","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Moss \/ M","offer_id":51249807851826,"sku":"3938733_17701","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Moss \/ L","offer_id":51249807884594,"sku":"3938733_17703","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Moss \/ XL","offer_id":51249807917362,"sku":"3938733_17702","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Moss \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249807950130,"sku":"3938733_17704","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Moss \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249807982898,"sku":"3938733_17705","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Watermelon \/ S","offer_id":51249808015666,"sku":"3938733_15191","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Watermelon \/ M","offer_id":51249808048434,"sku":"3938733_15192","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Watermelon \/ L","offer_id":51249808081202,"sku":"3938733_15193","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Watermelon \/ XL","offer_id":51249808113970,"sku":"3938733_15194","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Watermelon \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249808146738,"sku":"3938733_15195","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Watermelon \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249808179506,"sku":"3938733_16334","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ S","offer_id":51249808212274,"sku":"3938733_16511","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ M","offer_id":51249808245042,"sku":"3938733_16512","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ L","offer_id":51249808277810,"sku":"3938733_16513","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ XL","offer_id":51249808310578,"sku":"3938733_16514","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249808343346,"sku":"3938733_16515","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249808376114,"sku":"3938733_16516","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Granite \/ S","offer_id":51249808408882,"sku":"3938733_17655","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Granite \/ M","offer_id":51249808441650,"sku":"3938733_17656","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Granite \/ L","offer_id":51249808474418,"sku":"3938733_17657","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Granite \/ XL","offer_id":51249808507186,"sku":"3938733_17658","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Granite \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249808539954,"sku":"3938733_17659","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Granite \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249808572722,"sku":"3938733_17660","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":51249808605490,"sku":"3938733_17707","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ M","offer_id":51249808638258,"sku":"3938733_17708","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ L","offer_id":51249808671026,"sku":"3938733_17709","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ XL","offer_id":51249808703794,"sku":"3938733_17710","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ 2XL","offer_id":51249808736562,"sku":"3938733_17711","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ 3XL","offer_id":51249808769330,"sku":"3938733_17712","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0980\/4388\/7922\/files\/Moss_a06bdca5-1c3a-4c79-b6f8-594edf76981d.png?v=1780445187","url":"https:\/\/chickenmathsociety.com\/products\/professional-escape-artist-goat-unisex-t-shirt","provider":"Chicken Math Society","version":"1.0","type":"link"}