{"product_id":"please-keep-it-down-the-hens-are-sensitive-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Please Keep It Down The Hens Are Sensitive Unisex T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e🇺🇸 \u003cstrong\u003ePlease Keep It Down. The Hens Are Sensitive.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eLook, she loves America too. She just doesn't love the part where the sky explodes and the windows rattle and three hours of carefully planned bedtime ceremony go straight out the coop door. The fireworks are beautiful. They are also, from her professional opinion as a hen, deeply unnecessary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePatriotism is great. Trauma is bad. Could you maybe… celebrate quietly?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt is for the chicken keepers and homesteaders whose Fourth of July involves a coop full of nervous hens, a calming flashlight check at 11pm, and a quiet wish that the neighbors would reconsider the aerial display. Land of the free, home of the brave, please keep it down a little.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePremium garment-dyed Comfort Colors cotton — soft from day one, softer with every wash. Heritage design printed in the USA. The kind of shirt that earns an immediate laugh from anyone who's had to hand-comfort a hen through the Fourth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMember since it got out of hand.\u003c\/em\u003e 🐔\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²) — heavyweight, structured\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed for that lived-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, runs true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e7\/8″ double-needle topstitched collar\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTwill-taped neck and shoulders for durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eDouble-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eBlank product sourced from Honduras\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWashing Instructions: How to Not Ruin Your New Favorite Shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eCold water only (she's stressed enough already, don't shrink her shirt too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTurn inside out before washing (the graphic deserves protection)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eUse a gentle detergent — this garment-dyed cotton is easygoing, keep it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFirst wash may bleed a little, so separate it from anything precious\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTumble dry low or hang dry (hang drying = a quieter day for everyone)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShipping \u0026amp; Returns\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFree shipping on orders over $85. Orders ship within 5-7 business days. Made-to-order, so returns are accepted for defective or damaged items only — see our full \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for details.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chicken Math Society","offers":[{"title":"Blossom \/ S","offer_id":51232512966962,"sku":"9345642_16541","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ M","offer_id":51232512999730,"sku":"9345642_16542","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ L","offer_id":51232513032498,"sku":"9345642_16543","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ XL","offer_id":51232513065266,"sku":"9345642_16544","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ 2XL","offer_id":51232513098034,"sku":"9345642_16545","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ 3XL","offer_id":51232513130802,"sku":"9345642_16546","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Khaki \/ S","offer_id":51232512770354,"sku":"9345642_21534","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Khaki \/ M","offer_id":51232512803122,"sku":"9345642_21535","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Khaki \/ L","offer_id":51232512835890,"sku":"9345642_21536","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Khaki \/ XL","offer_id":51232512868658,"sku":"9345642_21537","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Khaki \/ 2XL","offer_id":51232512901426,"sku":"9345642_21538","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Khaki \/ 3XL","offer_id":51232512934194,"sku":"9345642_21539","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ S","offer_id":51232513163570,"sku":"9345642_15166","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ M","offer_id":51232513196338,"sku":"9345642_15167","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ L","offer_id":51232513229106,"sku":"9345642_15168","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ XL","offer_id":51232513261874,"sku":"9345642_15169","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ 2XL","offer_id":51232513294642,"sku":"9345642_15170","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ 3XL","offer_id":51232513327410,"sku":"9345642_16328","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":51232513360178,"sku":"9345642_17648","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ M","offer_id":51232513392946,"sku":"9345642_17649","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ L","offer_id":51232513425714,"sku":"9345642_17650","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ XL","offer_id":51232513458482,"sku":"9345642_17651","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 2XL","offer_id":51232513491250,"sku":"9345642_17652","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 3XL","offer_id":51232513524018,"sku":"9345642_17653","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ S","offer_id":51232513556786,"sku":"9345642_16523","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ M","offer_id":51232513589554,"sku":"9345642_16524","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ L","offer_id":51232513622322,"sku":"9345642_16525","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ XL","offer_id":51232513655090,"sku":"9345642_16526","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 2XL","offer_id":51232513687858,"sku":"9345642_16527","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 3XL","offer_id":51232513720626,"sku":"9345642_16528","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0980\/4388\/7922\/files\/Khaki_cbe233c3-fcff-49e8-b3bd-c6724f2bae83.png?v=1780068696","url":"https:\/\/chickenmathsociety.com\/products\/please-keep-it-down-the-hens-are-sensitive-unisex-t-shirt","provider":"Chicken Math Society","version":"1.0","type":"link"}