{"product_id":"heifer-please-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Heifer Please Unisex T-shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e🐄 \u003cstrong\u003eThe Butter Done Slid Off Your Biscuit.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a Southern thing. It's the polite way to tell someone they've lost the plot, said something ridiculous, or fully unhinged at the family cookout. You don't have to call anyone crazy. You just look at them, shake your head, and let them know the butter has officially slid.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the cousin of \"bless your heart.\" It's the kindly worded warning that you've about had it. And it works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt is for the Southern grandmothers, country humor fans, dairy farm folks, and anyone who's been raised on biscuits and sass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFor homesteaders, farm folks, cattle people, chicken keepers, garden mamas, and anyone whose sense of humor leans Cracker Barrel more than craft cocktail bar.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePremium garment-dyed Comfort Colors cotton — soft from day one, softer with every wash. Heritage hand-drawn illustration printed in the USA. The kind of shirt that gets you compliments at the feed store, the farmers market, and Sunday brunch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMember since it got out of hand.\u003c\/em\u003e 🐔\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²) — heavyweight, structured\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed for that lived-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, runs true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003e7\/8″ double-needle topstitched collar\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTwill-taped neck and shoulders for durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eDouble-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eBlank product sourced from Honduras\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWashing Instructions: How to Not Ruin Your New Favorite Shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eCold water only (hot water is for people who count their hens correctly)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTurn inside out before washing (the graphic deserves protection)\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eUse a gentle detergent — this garment-dyed cotton is easygoing, keep it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eFirst wash might bleed a little, so separate it from anything precious\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eTumble dry low or hang dry (hang drying = more time with the flock)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003chr\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShipping \u0026amp; Returns\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFree shipping on orders over $85. Orders ship within 5-7 business days. Made-to-order, so returns are accepted for defective or damaged items only — see our full \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for details.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chicken Math Society","offers":[{"title":"Terracotta \/ S","offer_id":51150626357554,"sku":"9716115_17662","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ M","offer_id":51150626390322,"sku":"9716115_17663","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ L","offer_id":51150626423090,"sku":"9716115_17664","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ XL","offer_id":51150626455858,"sku":"9716115_17665","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ 2XL","offer_id":51150626488626,"sku":"9716115_17666","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Terracotta \/ 3XL","offer_id":51150626521394,"sku":"9716115_17667","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":51150626554162,"sku":"9716115_17707","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ M","offer_id":51150626586930,"sku":"9716115_17708","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ L","offer_id":51150626619698,"sku":"9716115_17709","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ XL","offer_id":51150626652466,"sku":"9716115_17710","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ 2XL","offer_id":51150626685234,"sku":"9716115_17711","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ 3XL","offer_id":51150626718002,"sku":"9716115_17712","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ S","offer_id":51150626750770,"sku":"9716115_15166","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ M","offer_id":51150626783538,"sku":"9716115_15167","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ L","offer_id":51150626816306,"sku":"9716115_15168","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ XL","offer_id":51150626849074,"sku":"9716115_15169","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ 2XL","offer_id":51150626881842,"sku":"9716115_15170","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Butter \/ 3XL","offer_id":51150626914610,"sku":"9716115_16328","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":51150626947378,"sku":"9716115_17648","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ M","offer_id":51150626980146,"sku":"9716115_17649","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ L","offer_id":51150627012914,"sku":"9716115_17650","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ XL","offer_id":51150627045682,"sku":"9716115_17651","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 2XL","offer_id":51150627078450,"sku":"9716115_17652","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 3XL","offer_id":51150627111218,"sku":"9716115_17653","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ S","offer_id":51150627143986,"sku":"9716115_16523","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ M","offer_id":51150627176754,"sku":"9716115_16524","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ L","offer_id":51150627209522,"sku":"9716115_16525","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ XL","offer_id":51150627242290,"sku":"9716115_16526","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 2XL","offer_id":51150627275058,"sku":"9716115_16527","price":36.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 3XL","offer_id":51150627307826,"sku":"9716115_16528","price":38.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0980\/4388\/7922\/files\/Terracotta_3abeb3eb-1563-4588-95b4-4a62d54e1559.png?v=1778614973","url":"https:\/\/chickenmathsociety.com\/products\/heifer-please-unisex-t-shirt","provider":"Chicken Math Society","version":"1.0","type":"link"}